


King of the Crossroads

by thesweetpianowritingdownmylife



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 09:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesweetpianowritingdownmylife/pseuds/thesweetpianowritingdownmylife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Crowley became King of the Crossroads.</p>
            </blockquote>





	King of the Crossroads

Crowley had been granted audience with Lucifer, the highest authority in Hell, and he wasn’t going to waste that opportunity. He had descended to the deepest circle of the pit, where Satan stood proudly, with countless sinners around him, begging for mercy as the demons skinned them. Their screams echoed in Crowley’s ears, making him scrunch his face in disgust. He wasn’t very fond of the whole torture, fire and blood deal; he was happy being a field agent. He thought this grotesque circus of freaks was pointlessly messy, and had a hidden suspicion that this grim scenery was just for show; a way for the Devil to prove to the Universe that he had a very big dick. The man (or, well, fallen angel) himself was caged in ice. _Perhaps he had filled this place with hellfire in an early attempt to melt it, and then went along with the look_ , Crowley thought.

The Morningstar’s three faces were focused on Crowley, who shivered covertly under his fiery gaze, and reminded himself not to think so loudly.

“Speak quickly.” Lucifer’s voice boomed, not hiding his despise for flimsy demons like the one before him.

“Well,” Crowley’s throat was suddenly dry, “as you know, people these days are completely obsessed with Lilith’s last invention, the Internet, and it has opened a world of possibilities…” he decided to cut it short, since one of the heads wasn’t paying attention to him anymore and another one had begun to exhale smoke. “Anyway, most websites ask the users to agree to the ‘Terms and Conditions’, a lengthy document that no one –I had it checked, absolutely no one– cares to read. My point is that we could include in those documents a couple of lines about selling their souls to us, and nobody would notice.”

Lucifer looked pleasantly surprised. “It is a good idea, even coming from vermin like you.” Crowley knew better than to flinch at the insult. At least he hadn’t called him an unicellular being. “What do you want in return?”

“I want to be King of the Crossroads.” Crowley answered resolutely. “Honestly, I’m sick of licking Mammon’s boots.”

“Granted. Anything else?”

“No, your highness. Merely… I suggest you start with tumblr. Those souls are headed this way anyway, why not giving them the final push?”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this: http://highly-functioning-sociopath.tumblr.com/post/40864644098/patrickstumphy-accidentally-selling-your-soul


End file.
